Thursday, January 20, 2011

Warning! Content of this post is EXTREMELY SAPPY!!!

I'm not sure if it is the pregnancy hormones but I have suddenly been consumed with how Harrison will be affected by the arrival of Harper.  I cry anytime I think about how this will rock his little world.  There is nothing in me that thinks I can not love two babies, I know I can...I was MADE to be a mom!  But how can I bring this precious baby girl into our home and make sure that Harrison feels all the love his little heart needs.  I am just scared that I will be so consumed with the routine of a newborn (let's face it, nursing is the most consuming job you can have) that I put Harrison on hold and I refuse to let that happen.  I know that we will make our own routines, and we will figure out what works for our family, but right now the uncertainty of what that looks like has me blinking back tears on a daily basis. 

One day last week I was listening to the new Taylor Swift cd.  I was washing dishes as the playlist reached a song called "Never Grow Up"  With everything weighing so heavy on my mind I lost it.  I sat at my kitchen table and had myself a good ole sob session.  Yes, you read that correctly, I bawled my eyes out to Taylor Swift.  Call me whatever you want, just don't say it to my face....I will cry :)  I thought I would share with you the words that I found so touching.  (To all my prego/postpartum friends out there, you may want to stop reading here.)

Your little hands wrapped around my finger
And it's so quiet in the world tonight
Your little eyelids flutter cause you're dreaming
So I tuck you in and turn on your favorite nightlight

To you, everything's funny
You got nothing to regret
I'd give all I have honey
If you could stay like that

Oh darling don't you ever grow up, don't you ever grow up
Just stay this little
Oh darling don't you ever grow up, don't you ever grow up
It could stay this simple
I won't let nobody hurt you
Wont let no one break your heart
No one will desert you
Just try to never grow up
Never grow up



Matt and Heather said...

I had those same thoughts all the time and I still do. I know I want more than 2 kids, but I feel like I'm not as good a mom to Collin now that there's 2 of them, so how will it be with 3? That's why we're not planning on number 3 for a couple of years at least. You're right, it will all balance out and Harrison will adjust, but it's still not easy. Think of your sisters, though. Your life wasn't the same after they came and you may not have gotten as much attention, but you wouldn't trade them for the world now. That's what I always told/tell myself when I stress about that.

Rachel said...

My best friend just had her second baby. The two girls are 19 months apart. She called me the night before she was induced and was telling me how she was sobbing while she was rocking her first daughter before bed that last night before everything changed. Things are definitely busier now, but she has fallen even more in love with her first daughter as she watches her be such an awesome big sister. I'm sure that will be the same with watching Harrison.

Katie said...

I heard that song! two kids will be awesome:) and if you ever want to talk I am here!

Jessica said...

I too have sat many times listening to Never Grow Up whilst sobbing. I believe that is normal and shows how much love that magically appears when you turn into a momma.

having baby number two is a big adjustment. it really is. you have to learn to balance the emotional needs of four people..... you, your husband and your children. it gets a bit overwhelming at least for me.
But the awesome thing is it kinda all falls into place. It really does.

get the little one involved in "helping" you with the baby. I know he is little but he'll understand that he is "helping" you. I would have paul get the diapers and wipes for me and then throw Anna's diaper in the trash. he felt VERy grown up! I would have him warm anna's feet up or sing to her while I breast fed. I felt that having him help allowed him to not feel ignored and also for the brother/sister relationship to blossom!

when they place that baby in your hands you might feel the "oh man... how in the world am I going to care for TWO little ones" but I promise it will pass.

I have found that having at least 45 min of prayer time for myself in the morning before the kids get up, really helps my patience during the day.

I'll be praying for you all!

Laura said...

Just remember Danielle, that you survived it three times over and you turned out just wonderful. Harrison will cherish his role as a big brother and will grow into the person he is supposed because of it.

Erin said...

Not pregnant, or recently pregnant but that brought tears to my eyes too!